At a loss

I was pregnant, and now I’m not.


I had a miscarriage last week. The sadness that I felt (and feel) at the loss of this pregnancy is palpable. I have never felt so raw and honest and real. Having a miscarriage is not something that a woman thinks will happen to them, and I for one never thought I would succumb to such a loss. I just didn’t.

We had such an easy pregnancy with Cutter I blithely assumed every ensuing pregnancy would be just as easy. God has a way of humbling us when we begin to think we can handle this world on our own, and I thank Him for that redirection.

I have had many friends and family share of their own personal experiences with miscarriage, which is a great comfort to me. Cards, meals, words of compassion, gifts, phone calls, and e-mails; all healing a different part of me, working to make me whole again. Steve has been exceedingly devoted and compassionate, a truer testament to the strength of our marriage couldn’t be clearer. Hearing Cutter’s infectious laughter doesn’t hurt, either.

Above all else, our constant comfort has been our faith in God, and our belief in his Son, Jesus Christ. There is no other explanation for our current peace in this time of sorrow. We have poured out our emotions to Him, our pleas to Him, and yes - our praises to Him. Love has never been more real to us.

I am grateful for the blessings that are in front me even now. It’s in these times I choose to focus on God’s grace and tender mercies, new to me each morning.

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him.”

Lamentations 3:22-24