Saturday, October 2, 2010

Streams of Purging Emotions


This face is how I felt after this crazy week. Let the venting/stream of consciousness begin....

Monday began the downward spiral of Lady's sickness and my Mom and I were rushing her to the vet, and then rushing Mia over to give Lady a blood transfusion. Then we had to go back and pick up Mia, and Lady spent the night. Tuesday my mom ran a bunch of errands and I cleaned and transferred a lot of Cutter's 3-6 month clothes into storage bins. Steve helped a friend work on their house that evening, so we didn't get to see each other for very long that night. I feel so badly on these days because Steve leaves for work before Cutter is awake, and when he works late he doesn't get to see Cutter before bedtime either. There are times when he has gone 2-3 days without seeing him simply because of his sleep schedule. Thankfully this really is a rarity and not the standard, but I still feel badly when it happens. Wednesday the sun actually broke through the dreary clouds for a few minutes, and my spirits were pretty high. Lady was enjoying the sun and we even walked for a bit outside. Steve was able to get home a little early so we actually got to spend significant time as a family of three - I so cherish those nights. Thursday morning was crazy in its own right. There had been rain throughout the night, Steve had to wake up earlier than normal to leave for work, and my brother was home from work due to the ridiculous rain that was predicted for the day. We realized Lady has passed during the night, I fell apart and sobbed uncontrollably for nearly a half an hour, and then we had to bury her - in the pouring rain. My emotions were shot and it was only 9:30 am on Thursday. The rest of Thursday was spent cleaning, avoiding the rain however possible, and doing anything to keep my mind off of Lady. Friday morning the rains were even worse, roads were closed from flooding, and my Mom was scheduled to have surgery on her ankle. Steve had left early again and was planning to be home pretty late that evening, too. Everything turned out great with my Mom's surgery and she was home in the afternoon relaxing on the couch with her foot up. That night I was determined to get to the all children's sale our Church holds bi-annually, but with Steve working late and my Mom out of commission momentarily, I needed to get Cutter somewhere. I dropped him off at Steve's Dad's house, only when I arrived their basement had flooded from the previous night's rain and they were in the process of getting all of the water pumped out. I felt as if I just brought chaos with me wherever I went! On my way to the sale, I realized I had forgotten to take the car seat out of my car for Steve to bring Cutter home, and so I had to make a pit stop at the house to drop it off so he could grab it on his way to his Dad's. There were still some traffic lights out and some roads closed due to flooding, but I made it to the sale just as the doors opened. It was great to be by myself for awhile, even if it was just for a few hours - shopping at a chaotic consignment sale. I mostly enjoyed just looking at a lot of the clothes and not having to talk to anyone - words weren't really what I needed at that point. I just needed to unwind. Steve brought Cutter home but it was a little later than he would normally go to bed so it took a bit for him to decompress. My sister had come for the night to be with my Mom, and Cutter was enjoying visiting with her. He has started to stand up a lot now, and unfortunately that translates to his crib. He was up this morning from about 3-5 crying, partly from his interrupted sleep schedule, and partly from his desire to exercise his standing skills.
Needless to say, I was so relieved to see the sunshine this Saturday morning.
Unfortunately, Steve was helping a friend do some work on their house so we weren't able to spend much time together as a family today. I am very much looking forward to tomorrow and spending time together, it has been too long since we have had an unplanned weekend.
Forgive me for my rambling thoughts this evening - I believe they are warranted this time!

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